Wrist, Stomach, Art.

Posted in Art & Illustration, Everything Steampunk, Generic Musings, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 20, 2015 by Bobbie Berendson W.

It is taking me titanic effort to write anything today. I feel so desperate for isolation and sleep. Why? Well, First, my wrist is worse than I thought and I am going to need to get surgery for it in the next few months. I couldn’t finish Inktober/Drawlloween because of it. Which really bummed me out.

Second, I have (after much deliberation and seeing 2 sisters, my dad, and his sister doing it) decided to get the Gastric Sleeve surgery. This is the one where they remove 80% of your stomach. All my family members who have gotten the surgery are doing great and have lost nearly 300lb combined. My surgery will be on January 7th. At my fattest I was 455lb and with Fibromyalgia, Sleep Apnea, Insulin resistance and PCOS, plus my low functioning thyroid I need the help.

I started the pre-op diet last week. No sugars, no carbs… ugh it has been hard. The cravings and temptations are awful but the very nasty withdrawals and de-toxing has been worse. The whole point of it is to get my fatty liver as trim as possible to prevent trouble.

However, yesterday I felt sore and achy but clear headed and focused like I haven’t in years. If this is what I get to look forward to I will gladly take it. So much of my life for the past 20 years has been eaten by brain fog. I hate brain Fog.

The odd benefit I didn’t foresee is that I have been terribly productive in making jewelry and designing the last half of the pictures I need for my new ‘Gothic Steampunk’ coloring book: “Madam Mezmerelda’s Digest of the Mystic, the Mad, and the Macabre.”

SO that is the update.  For good measure, here is a small look at the latest coloring book page I inked…

BarnabusWMsm

Week 2 of Inktober/Drawlliween

Posted in Art & Illustration with tags , , , , , , , on October 16, 2015 by Bobbie Berendson W.

HA!  I actually got this blog up when I said I would.  Hooray for little triumphs.  I am going to use a bunch of these as supplemental art for my new Neo-Victorian Gothic coloring book I am working on.  It saddens me that I have to have watermarks, I wish people were more honest.

So here we have this weeks pictures…

Dianna Ink Drawing 9: Vampire

Dianna Ink Drawing 9: Vampire

Large Eared Desert Bat Ink Drawing 10: Bat

Large Eared Desert Bat Ink Drawing 10: Bat

Inappropriate work relations among the eyes of Kilrogg. Ink Drawing 11: eyeball

Inappropriate work relations among the eyes of Kilrogg. Ink Drawing 11: eyeball

Rat Motel Ink Drawing 12: Scarecrow

Rat Motel Ink Drawing 12: Scarecrow

Sir Harold is Awake Again Ink Drawing 13 & 14: Zombie & Grave

Sir Harold is Awake Again Ink Drawing 13 & 14: Zombie & Grave

Candy Jack Ink Drawing 15 & 16: Jack-O-Lantern & Candy

Candy Jack Ink Drawing 15 & 16: Jack-O-Lantern & Candy

Week One of Inktober/Drawlliween

Posted in Art & Illustration with tags , , , , , , on October 10, 2015 by Bobbie Berendson W.

So life has been crazy.  I did Salt City Steamfest then Salt Lake Comic Con  as well as sending art to DragonCon, Steamposium, Gaslight Gathering, and an excellent Gallery show in Portland (more on that awesomeness later).  It has been a tad bit exhausting so I am taking a break from art shows for a little while and focusing on stocking up for Winter Faire.

Still I am going to try to post once a week with art for this year’s Inktober!  I have such a hard time thinking of what to draw in these challenges so I am using the Drawlliween list.  It is awfully fun, and I am posting everything even though a lot of these drawings are not going to be very good…

Here we go!

Ghostly Woman Ink Drawing 1: Ghost

Ghostly Woman Ink Drawing 1: Ghost

Devil Thief Ink Drawing Two: Devil

Devil Thief Ink Drawing Two: Devil

Gobellina making a Pumpkin Pie Ink Drawing Three & Four: Goblin and Pumpkin

Gobellina making a Pumpkin Pie Ink Drawing Three & Four: Goblin and Pumpkin

Study by Candlelight Ink Drawing Five & Six: Skull & Raven

Study by Candlelight Ink Drawing Five & Six: Skull & Raven

Ezlynn's Treasures Ink Drawing Seven & Eight: Mask & Amulet

Ezlynn’s Treasures Ink Drawing Seven & Eight: Mask & Amulet

Time Short, Little Chatter, and New Art!

Posted in All Things Costume, Art & Illustration with tags , , , , , on July 10, 2015 by Bobbie Berendson W.

Sooooo much going on.  Not a lot of time for me to chatter.  HOWEVER I have new art!

This is the one and only Madam Mezmerelda doing a reading in her parlor.  Enjoy!

Madam Mezmerelda’s Parlor

New Mermaid Art, Opinions, & Internet Kerfuffles

Posted in Art & Illustration with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 25, 2015 by Bobbie Berendson W.

I have been seeing a lot on prejudices about race and sexuality, a lot of take down (blank) or take back (misc.) or stand up for (assorted). Just going to drop my opinion in here… I think the problem is deeper than race, sexuality, or politics. We are becoming a very selfish and insular species that is forgetting how to see outside of ourselves, how it interact without feeling defensive, and care about anyone who may not be ‘one of us’. The “us vs. them” mentality will destroy us in all areas: race, politics, religion, environment, and civil rights, all of it. When we can care about our fellow humans regardless of their opinion, race, or beliefs, but rather because they are another rare being on this rock hurtling with us through unfriendly space, the world will be a much better place.

The world of late seems to be pickling in its opinions. It may be just because we are more connected as a species than ever before with the internet. Regardless, our responses have been defensive and angry. It make me think of being 5 and talking to kids at recess and having very bitter and defensive arguments about which super hero was better. These sometimes devolved into tears, feuds, and very bitter feelings. We are adults now aren’t we? Do we really need to get so nasty and mean over differing opinions? A differing opinion is not a personal attack. Those are much more intimate and obvious. This problem isn’t even consistently over important things either.

Just the other day my sister posted this:

hahanumbers

It was funny and made me laugh. The firestorm that erupted afterwards was sadly emblematic of what I am talking about. My hubby is a very funny guy and he likes to make jokes and poke bears a bit, I thought this was obvious but… Check it out below (I have changed only the names of the hyper defensive. My husband and sister get no such luxury.)

Steven Wilcox: Numerology is the tool of Satan.

(Name not disclosed) It isn’t numerology. Its a joke. And u obv. Did it wrong. Satan doesn’t have any rights over divination.

Sara Bear Wow (name here). Steven is my brother. Hes just making a joke

(Name not disclosed) You also suck at math

Steven Wilcox Math is the tool of Satan.

(Name not disclosed) You don’t even know what divination is. And wtf does a wiki pedia know about Satan.

Sara Bear STOP NOW OR I WILL FLIP THE F*#@ OUT!!! (Sara had reached her ‘enough stupid drama’ point)

Steven Wilcox Dearest (name here), Poe’s law is an internet adage which states that, without a clear indicator of the author’s intent, parodies of extremism are indistinguishable from sincere expressions of extremism.[1][2] Poe’s Law implies that parody will often be mistaken for sincere belief, and sincere beliefs for parody. I thought my parody was clear. Obviously it was not, so I linked Poe’s Law. No offense was intended. (linked to Wikipedia)

Steven Wilcox Poe’s Law is also the tool of Satan, btw.

Sara Bear Steven Wilcox, mom says “hehehe and I get it. And no offense taken”

(Name not disclosed) That second comment was over kill

Sara Bear Just stop

(Name not disclosed) If u do

Steven Wilcox Here’s a picture of a fluffy kitten. Kittens make everything better. http://wallpaperswide.com/fluffy_kittens_2-wallpapers.html

That was pretty much the end of it.

Steve mentioned Poe’s Law above but I think internet interactions all fall to this problem. We see a post or a meme, especially a meme, and REACT instead of choosing how we are going to ACT. On the internet we are all that one bitter old stereotype of a person where all these new fangled ideas are ruining the country and back in our day kids were better and by the way get off my lawn.

Oh, and the ‘I’m not going to stop until you do’. This is convenient. I don’t have to take responsibility for my actions because YOU provoked me. I don’t have to stop because I am the victim here. In one way or another we are all victims of something. Stand up and be better than a victim, be a person! Choose how you ACT!

I am just going to end my random tirade on these things with 3 more things. First I will quote some of the best advice for internet or in person interactions I have ever heard. Ahem… “Does this need to be said, does it need to be said right now, and does it need to be said by me?” Thank you Craig Ferguson.

Second, is overreaction and anger working for us?

And Last, and arguably most important… NEW ART!!!!!

The Mermaids Tea

Book Releases, Troll Bridges, and Repressed Memories

Posted in Art & Illustration, Generic Musings with tags , , , , , on June 18, 2015 by Bobbie Berendson W.

This is an exciting if slightly dreadful week for me. Exciting because the Cliché’s for a Cause Book launch is this Friday (link) and my illustrations are in it with my Husband, Steve’s story; ‘Bridgette and the Gruffz’. It is an awesome story and I wanted to share some of the funny details about how it came to exist.

We were watching TV one night and as the credits for a show were rolling I saw the name Trowbridge and it looked to me like TrollBridge. I pointed it out to Steve and we laughed and postulated the origin of the name Trollbridge. We ended up laughing over the idea that the name was changed from Trollbridge to Trowbridge upon immigrating to the US. And before that it was a proud name with a lot of family traditions attached to it such as the courtship ritual of tossing a prospective bride to be off her bridge. Because they are trolls… get it? Ok it was funnier if you had been there or if my hubby tells the story… Anyway, that morphed into telling the story of Smallz the youngest of the brothers Gruffz, who are not goat but satyrs, and Bridgette the troll who has built her first bridge in their neighborhood. Smallz loves Bridgette and Bridgette loves Smallz, but unless he can toss her off her bridge they can’t even date.

sneekpeekBnGz

So it’s a fun story and it is benefiting a good cause: RAINN the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network. They do so much to help survivors in all areas with programs, support centers, public education, and awareness. This was an important charity to support for me because I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

I was around the age of 4-5 and I only remember pieces of it. I spent 12 years thinking I was a sinful wicked child, like it was my fault, my bad choice. My abuser I know encouraged this. I think it only happened once, but as I have said, I don’t remember clearly all of it, just some damaging and painful pieces. I know that the lighting in the room changed which makes me think it either took a long time or happened on different days.

I remember the nightly panic attacks, I still feel that panic every night before bed it is such a nearly lifelong habit. I didn’t develop socially like other kids, in a sense I still feel socially backwards to this day. My survival instincts helped me survive, but did so much damage. I mentally beat myself up so much, so very much. My self esteem was in the toilet and it took me 26 years to recover it. Years of hard work and even harder counseling.

For nine or ten months in 1997 I underwent that difficult counseling once a week. First, every session, we went through all the memories in detail to desensitize me to them. That part was the worst, but it began to work and now when I get flashbacks they have absolutely no power to crush me. Then We had to break down everything I was and rebuild it.

It was around this time I started cutting. I was very lucky though. After a handful of cuts I realized that as I was rebuilding myself this was not something I wanted to include in the new me. So I found other ways to deal with the stress and the emotional pain, healthier ways. I utilize meditation, creating things, coloring, walking, just laying in the sun and smelling the outside air.

All of it took persistence and patience. It is hard to be patient with yourself, especially as you age and feel the time you have to do something with yourself ticking away. I will be 39 this July. I feel like so much of my life had been taken away from me, the years of pain and counseling, the isolation and desperation for people to see me, to like me. I feel very much like I am in a rush to make up time for the lost 20 years sacrificed to my survival instincts that my abuser triggered.

It is ok now though. Days and weeks go by without that once so prevalent memory even making ripples in my psyche; I forget that I was ever so powerless. And as for my abuser, he was only 10 years older than me and was a very emotionally wounded person and I forgive him. That was the last thing I did that completely freed me. I forgave him and let it all go. I have been able to see him grow and change through the years, first for the worst them latter for the better. And it made me feel good to see him work so hard to try to redeem himself and I hope he will stick to that path and keep improving.

Well… this is a long one. And I didn’t even cry as I wrote it! I do feel empowered and strong and stable. It is a wonderful place to be.

If any of you are harboring such secret from your past, I want to say you are not alone. Please talk to someone. As long as you keep that secret it will keep you its prisoner. Go to RAINN’s website, there are so many people out there who want to and can help.

Vampiresses, Face-Overs, and Dead Things.

Posted in All Things Costume, Art & Illustration with tags , , , , , , on June 4, 2015 by Bobbie Berendson W.

Ok, so I have a breather for the moment and have a new/old picture to share.  I drew this one in 2011 and loved this picture except for the face.  Hated the face but didn’t know how to fix the original.  Well after some creative knife skills I managed it.  And now I love it again!  So check out the before and after face and tell me which one looks better and more natural:

PABbefore-after

And here is is in all it’s completed and colored glory!

Peek-A-Boo

Had some real fun with the skulls as you can tell, hehehehe.